SLUMS – INTERNALLY/EXTERNALLY UNRESOLVED

In short, last night we had a “book” study with the CBC people at the Malakars.  It was a good time of prayer and study.  This morning we woke up and went on a slum visit to Nandlal – just about 7-10 min ride up the way.  

I guess I don’t really know what to write about (I’m referring to the slum visit).  It was my first visit this time to India.  We visited the slums in Varanasi last year but I’m not too sure what to say about my visit this time around.  What do I say y’know?  What would you say?  I guess it just becomes or it can, become very trivial if I let it and the fact that its becoming more and more familiar to me and not “shocking” me and that’s alarming to me.  

I’m sad for their conditions but why?  Because I “feel” sorry for them because I have more than they do or because they have less than I do?  Because I get to fly back on a plane in a week or so and get back to my comfortable life style, which I love and am thankful for?  or Because I see very clearly God’s compassion for them and I’m struck to the core in my thinking, without feeling, but believing somehow, my visit is actually doing something?  For them and not for me?  Why am I really sad about the slums?  

Here’s what I’m trying to say.  I’m tired of the poverty of life.  The poverty of my own heart, the poverty I see around me here in India, the poverty of the spiritual state of India, America, Samoa and the rest of the world.  I’m confused to see/visit a slum and live like it doesn’t exist. I’m tired of seeing the slums of man’s hearts/lives (especially my own), the slum like I saw today and living like it doesn’t exist.  I suppose I’m tired of coming to situations like this (and noticed I used “like” because there ARE other forms of these situations, external, relational, physical, mental, spiritual, economical, social, (every) cultural, theological, musical, environmental, etc)…like I was saying, its tiring to come to situations like that, act like I’m doing some good and yet leaving feeling like that was all to point out something about me.  And that’s where the issue really is, I really am just tired of me.  I’m tired of not caring enough, not doing enough, or acting like I’m doing something (when I really am) but not really doing anything, not serving enough, not meeting everyone’s expectations enough, saying enough, saying too much, thinking too much, and not rightly thinking about the little that I actually do think about etc.  

So, the slum(s)…its horrible, in my interpretation.  The conditions are sad and unhealthy.  But they live there and they ARE surviving there.  And I don’t know if they are doing that the best way possible.  But is education the answer?  Is more money the answer?  Is medicine the answer?  I know the answer but the chasm just seems sooooooooooo big – and I suppose its nice to throw “gospel” cliches, that are true and that I know need to be proclaimed…but seriously.  How do you or if you don’t, how would you think about it…not in the compartmentalized way.    

Okay, so one step at a time, I know.  I don’t want to just feel compassion, when I see a slum.  And I don’t want to save it either when I’m comfortable in the U.S. and use it then when the living conditions are in my favor (which, I know doesn’t make it any better or less than pleasing to God…or does it?)  

I don’t see a resolve in this post and so I’m not going to attempt one either.  I’m not angry, nor am I okay.  I’m not disillusioned nor am I completely sensible.  These are just my thoughts and ones I hope and pray will be used to haunt me, challenge me, inform me, remind me, thrust me to educate others and hopefully lead me to God, His love, His promises and Himself.  

I don’t have it figured out and neither do the slums of India.  I’m not mad that they have less than I do in America, nor do I feel guilty about that (anymore).  BUT I also don’t want to pretend like (REAL) slums don’t exist and I don’t want to EVER boast in my blessings – I just want be thankful for them and learn how to give them away very generously and foolishly – money, time, friendships, apartment, sleep, food, clothes, etc…man, I have SOOOOOOOOOO much to learn…

FRIDAY DAY 8…7, i dont knkw happened to DAY 7

Today is Friday and Gunner, Eric & Nate arrives from Bangalore (I ended up not going on that part of the trip because we had decided it would be best for me to stay in Delhi and help get the music ready for the retreat). But it was nice to hear about their trip.

Anyway, not much to update other than I have been having good talks with people here. Our interaction with the locals are more to help the Malakars establish a good name, which they already have.

One more week and then retreat. I’m suppose to get together with the band tomorrow. A lot of scheduling isn’t as concrete as I would prefer so I can’t really rely and anyone’s word. Which is good in the sense that it produces patience. So, I hope to meet up with them tomorrow.

Today we visit the Delhi campus to invite students to Focal Point and Chat Over Coffee.

Tonight we have Core Group where have “book” study with some people from PMI staff and the people who “meet” on Sundays.

Ok, that’s it for now.

CHAT, LESSONS, COFFEE – DAY 6

Okay so I’ll update you a bit here (my apologies for bulleted point versions, just seems more convenient, lets be honest

• taught my english class
• saw some Iranians I met last year – these people are very hospitable and kind, makes me want to visit them there
• took a walk into the neighboring town by myself and got some dinner 
• was hit by a car (no worries I’m okay) just a little soar…it was quite funny actually and it was more like a bump/hit
• Mike Gundersen arrived last night, good to see him – its been fun seeing him…funny, we were in Samoa together 6 summers ago doing “work” there, now we’re in India doing “work” again
• was humbled today by several things today
• had Chat Over Coffee
• sang two Phil Wickham songs tonight at Chat over Coffee (played the keyboard and sang…its wierd to do that still, i feel like a celeb….hahah, funny but kind of gross feeling)
• met up with Ali about music for the retreat next week and set up times to meet up and rehearse with the band (exciting)
• walked to the Coffee Cafe Day with Mike, Meagan, Heather (not Malakar) and Moelelwa (she’s from So. Africa)…the other two are Master’s alum helping out
• then now I’m here 
• tomorrow Gunner, Eric & Nate get back from Bangalore – it’ll be good to see them…
• tomorrow we’ll be meeting with Ali to talk through song themes and band dynamics and song choices from the bible
• its been hot here, very drainingly hot
• talked with Mike about relationships and such…he’s engaged so that was cool to hear – he had some good thoughts…thinking through a lot about that…
• oh, i took the metro down a ways to get some groceries, it was fun…
• that’s it for now

anyway, things are well here…learning tons, and asking God lots of questions about India, direction, etc

DAY 5 & MASALA

DAY 5 was really uneventful for me (maybe more so for the Indians around) particularly because Monday is a rest day for PMI.  That means the volunteers, the workers and the Malakars have a day off, as it were.  So, here’s what I did: 

• Woke up
• read
• met up with Peter to have chai
• called Ali to try and set up a time to meet up about music (he canceled and rescheduled, felt like I was back in the dorm
• caught a taxi with Prabin to the mall to meet up with Peter, Heather & Prekash…at Coffee Bean  
• had an Extreme Mocha blend (oh, I forgot to mention I cooked my own Masala…yeah, don’t be too impressed its basically like Ramen
• then went to the airport to pick up Jai (he’s a med grad starting his residency here and finishing up in West Virginia, where he grew up – he’s Indian and its his first time here in India…he’s a “worker” also), Meagan and Heather – both grad students in So. Cali and both alumnus(?) from Master’s
• then that was it…
• Mike Gundersen arrives tonight

Today: 

We’re headed down the street to the Malakars to have breakfast, then a study in the “book”, then grocery shopping for the new comers, then I have prep time for my english class (thanks Lis for the material – very helpful), and then I’m meeting with Ali to rehearse songs for Chat over Coffee and for Sunday.  I’m excited for today!  It’ll be a good one…I’m hoping to walk down the way to gets some Indian food off the street  oh its the best – haven’t had any issues yet and I’m not trying to but I love the food here!!!

I’ll keep you posted…

DAY 3, 4 & VISITS

Its Sunday evening and I’ll recap DAY 3 and 4 all in one.

DAY 3:

• Woke up – sometimes that’s hard to do when you’re in a different time zone, or for some, just hard to do period …so it was worth mentioning
• had breakfast in the hotel with Gunner, Eric & Nate
• our driver, don’t remember his name because sometimes Hindi names are difficult to pick up which is a bummer because Indian names are really cool to say sometimes.  
• arrived at TJ’s, then went to visit some “workers” in the village (now this is not the typical village, but more like people in the outsets of the city).  these workers were more of the dalit’s (outcast of the cast system) people.  They’re hospitality and respect was humbling…people who have nothing giving out of their poverty – how do you respond to that?  I’ve read it, heard of it, believe in the principle but when its literally done to you, when these men who are studying and training others to do the “work” it just makes you feel overwhelmed.  I felt ashamed, humbled and thankful all at the same time.  It was beautiful and challenging.  
• after spending about 3 hours there, listening mainly (on my part) to the translation going on, we set out back to the Smith’s to have lunch.  Karren cooked us authentic Indian (veggie style) food…so good!
• Then we just hung out and talked with them for hours.  
• Went to the mall in town, which was 5 stories high, really nice (and A/C), and they took us to the best indian food in town….yeah, it was in the mall – and boy was it spicy.  My stomach was having its own independence day celebration going on
• Came back to our hotel and had a really good talked with Gunner about things – man, can I just say that I have some of the best counselors are friends?  I’m so blessed!
• then enjoyed some bantering with the gusy (Gun, Eric & Nate) before getting to bed

DAY 4: 

• Woke up (again)
• TJ, Karren & Chaya came by to our hotel and had breakfast with us.  
• packed our bags and headed back to the Smiths for some singing and “talking”
• said good bye to them and took our taxi back to the airport and got on our plane headed towards Delhi – it was so good to see the Smith’s again – I’m excited for them – there’s going to be a lot of work being done there – TJ gave me some sweet indian CDs; can’t wait to listen to them when I get back.  
• got back to Delhi, Eric, Gunner & Nate continued their trip on to Bangalore (they’ll be back to Delhi with me on Thursday). 
• I took a taxi home (to Mike’s – Gunner’s brother), showered up and went to PMI for Focal Point.  My driver didn’t speak a lick of English and didn’t have any clue where he was going – he stopped 5 times asking where “King’s Camp” (the district we’re in)….so imagine being in a foreign country by yourself and not knowing where the heck you’re going for 45 mins….ha!  It was actually quite exciting and adventurous.  
• After the discussion about a Solid Foundation (there were about 35 people there…Peter said that wasn’t bad considering their 6 week break)
• I sang a song following the discussion – it was funny.  Apparently I’m doing another concert on Wednesday…
• After that, met some young guys studying for their Master’s Degrees (Indian guys) who faithfully come to PMI – they were very good conversationalists – they invited me to go with them to dinner but I went with the Peter & Heather (and Prakash, their son) to Subway for dinner.  
• Came back and here I am…

Now I’m beat.  Tomorrow I meet with Ali to work through songs for the retreat and catch up.  Ali is the guitarist from last year that I did music with.  It’ll be fun to meet up again and talk through music – he’s really, really good on the guitar.  

Let’s see – something I thought about today…sometimes people just need a visit.  Even if you don’t have anything to bring or give, your visit means way more than you will ever know.  Those who are being visited, don’t expect much more than that.  Be grateful for their presence and their kindness – embrace it for what it is, company.  Let it grow if it does and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t.  Now, if its someone you don’t really enjoy that much, then…I can’t help you with that one  All in all, think about others and make time to visit people as its fitting for the moment.  Don’t make people feel guilty when they don’t, that’s unbecoming, but if you haven’t see someone in a while, just let them know you miss them, if you do.  

Okay, see ya later!

DAY 2

I met up with Gunner, Eric & Nate at the New Delhi domestic airport and we caught our 1:15pm flight to Lucknow at 1:45pm. Yes it was delayed, not that bad but the time to catch up with Eric and Nate (Nate and Eric’s wives are sisters) was good. It was also good to see Gunner.

The flight to Lucknow was a little under an hour. We were greeted by TJ Smith who are good friends of ours from college. We then caught a taxi to our hotel, then followed TJ to his home where we met up with Karen, his wife and Chaya their daughter. It was a great time of gathering and being together. I met up with the Smiths last year when they lived in Varanasi so, it was a nice time to reconnect.

The evening was spent just talking through how they came about moving to Lucknow, and how they are adjusting to life here. We also had a fun time playing with Chaya who is 3 and decided she wanted to play “Ring Around the Rosey” with her 4 new uncles (in India, you call elder men “uncle” and the women “aunty”). So it was quite the sight. I hope to someday show pictures from this time.

We had dinner that Karen made, pasta (really good meal) and had mangos earlier. So far I haven’t had any digestive issues, so I’m thankful for that.

All in all, you can tell the Smiths were really grateful we came all this way to spend time with them. “It is nice to have familiar people around”, said Karen. That was worth coming this way to visit them. I thought about how lonely life can be and how hard the “work” can be but to do it in places where you don’t have as abundant of relational resources as I do, then it is nice to spend time with people of the same mind and heart.

I also was so thankful for the world wide net work of “workers” and the ones in my life and near me. Who knows when any of us will or will not have that as readily available to us. For now, I’m here with the guys (Gunner, Eric & Nate) and we’re here with the Smiths. So, I will treasure this time and try to be of such a huge joy for them as they already have been for us.

It definitely makes me evaluate the wealth of relationships I have and want to work harder at being more thankful for them and contributing more than I have or haven’t.

All in all, it was a great time. I am looking forward to seeing them tomorrow as they take around the city and show us more “Lucknow’ian” things. Exciting! The guys I am with are a sweet gift – its fun experiencing different levels of international-ness with great people.

Well, the jetlag is hitting pretty hard now. So, I’m going to try and contribute to that by lying down.

Good night Lucknow & the rest of the world!

DAY 1

I arrived to New Delhi yesterday, Thursday morning at around 7am. Prabin & Sandib, two guys I met last year picked me up from the airport. It was good meeting up with people I knew. Strange that is. I know people across the globe.

I’m staying at Mike Gundersen’s (Gunner’s brother, who has been living here for the last year). Mike’s actually in the states. The Malakars actually arrived early this morning from the states.

All in all, I had a full day to myself here at PMI. I met some new staff memebers and were welcomed very kindly by them.

I came back to the empty apartment and read, watched some hind TV and thought about what to do with the music I’ll be doing here.

I turned in about 8pm, I was exhausted from all the traveling (met up with Jeff Lewis in Munich Germany who is visiting his brother in the military – we had a blast roaming around Munich). Anyway, I slept for what I thought was a full 8-9 hours but woke up at about 11:40pm. It was disappoint because I wad ready to start the next day.

Finally, I woke up well rested and I am now off to the Malakars to see about my taxi to the domestic airport where I will meet up with Gunner, Eric and the rest of the crew on our way to Lucknow, India for the weekend. We will be visiting friends who are doing “work” there. We hope to encourage them as they face opposition there.

I’ll post again when I have time.

Btw, I already had some real India food…I LOVE it!!!

NOW IS ENOUGH

It’s 1:58am Florida time and I wanted to highlight some things about today:

-got to see the Hulets’ (Dave & Tricia) new home…beautiful area!
-Dave showing me around their town
-having lunch with Dave, Ryan, Andrae (another dear friend from college), Haron (a student from Master’s who’s here on a missions trip) & Garret (a friend of Andrae’s
-went to the beach with Dave
-ate at Barbara Jeans on the river
-had a really challenging, encouraging, honest talk with Dave about things in my life I need to work on…I treasure that about my friendship with Dave…no pretense there just mutual God-fearing love…wish I had more of that.
-drove out to visit with Andrae and see where he lives in the inner city of Jacksonville (it felt like going back un time in some parts) and talked about life, lessons and the challeneges of life here…I valued time with Andrae as well

I am definitely blessed with a really wonderful family, there’s no doubt about that. But I’m just as blessed with the friendships the Lord has allowed me throught my lifetime and they are all too many to name on here. However, they are not valued any less…I truly am thankful for all the people in my life, past and present.

The value of people is something I definitely take for granted on so many different levels but something I want to grow in.

I realize I don’t value people the way God does and so I minimize valuing them where ever He wants me to or where He already has me to. I’m always wanting to look ‘out there’ rather than right ‘here’, or ‘now’, y’know?

I don’t think the value is in the ‘where’, that’s neither good nor bad. It’s in the who…something I’m still trying to think through, as you can tell.

Anyway, if tomorrow comes then that will be enough but for now…now is enough. And now is what I’m called to.

USA TODAY, INDIA THURSDAY

Well, it’s been a blast driving through the country with life-long friends. I’ve seen some very dry areas with nothing more than fields and a few billboards to accompany them. More than that the conversations that were shared between both Tricia & Dave and Ibid worth any long distance drive. I will miss my friends deeply but I now have another good reason to visit the East Coast.

Tomorrow I leave Jacksonville FL, fly to Washington D.C., then to Munich Germany where I’ll meet up with another life long friend, Jeff Lewis, meander around that German city for a couple of hours (I have a 12 hour layover) then fly to my final destination to New Delhi, India where I will be for 3 weeks.

So it’ll actually take me two days to get to get to India with time difference and travel.

I’ll update you all when I get the chance in India.

CHEVRON ALABAMA

I’m at a Chevron in the outskirts of Birmingham Alabama. It’s very green here and lush. But the greenery can’t hide everything.

A young woman, a beautiful black woman asked me for some money as we were getting some gas. I could smell her poverty, see her desperation and feel the same heat and humidity she lives in. She was homely dressed, hair pinned up with some sort of rag wrapped around it. She was very darker skinned with very light brown eyes. She seemed no older than 22. She told me she had a 7 year old and that they were both hungry and that they lived in a tent and said “that’s all I have to say”. My first thought was ‘In this heat, you live in a tent?”, then my next thought was ‘I’m not in India, yet’.

I didn’t have any cash and told her I was sorry. After Dave finished pumping gas into the enduring Metro (his car), I saw the young lady getting into a vehicle with a man she had just met at the gas station. It was pretty daunting to watch. I don’t know exactly what was going on but it didn’t appear to be very promising.

Please pray for her and many others who are homeless here in our very own country.

I know this is silly and very immature on my part but I’m not even in India and the heartach for the least of these is weighing heavily on me. I guess the question I’ve been asking myself about the needs of some place like India is the same question that is applicable here, ‘Who is helping these people?’